DYING, SURVIVING, AND AGING WITH GRACE

(including health care proxies, end-of-life issues, elder law,
assisted living, and estate planning)
• End-of-life planning
• Documents you need to protect your own and your survivors' rights and wishes
• Other documents and information you should have available in an easy-to-find place:
• Medicare
• Long-term care insurance
• Assisted living and end-of-life medical care and planning
• End-of-life care and planning for pets
• Articles and books about inheritance

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DOCUMENTS YOU NEED TO PROTECT YOUR OWN AND YOUR SURVIVORS' RIGHTS AND WISHES

These documents are not just for old or sick people. The big court cases about sustaining the lives of people in a coma have been about young women in their twenties. So think about these issues! Links to articles about these documents and topics follow these summary descriptions.

DOCUMENTS GOVERNING YOUR MEDICAL AND HEALTH CARE:

An advance directive (an advance medical directive or an advance health care directive) a document stating what medical care you want if you are unable to speak for yourself. Laws vary from state to state, so you should prepare these documents under the guidance of a local attorney.

There are two main kinds of advance directive: a living will and a health care proxy (or durable health care power of attorney). Of these the second is probably most important.

· A LIVING WILL, a legal document in which you spell out the kind of medical and health care and life-sustaining treatments you want or don't want when you can no longer care for yourself. (Should they shut off the ventilator when all hope seems lost, or should they do everything possible to save you, including tube feeding you as long as possible, no matter the cost? Under what circumstances would you want chemotherapy, blood transfusions, exploratory surgery, amputation, etc. Under what circumstances are you willing to donate your organs?) For more information, go to the U.S. Living Will Registry (link provided). For a contrarian view, read Charlotte Allen's piece (link below). You do not name another person to make medical decisions for you in a living will. For that you need to prepare a health care proxy or durable health care power of attorney. (Don't confuse living wills with living trusts, described under legal and financial documents.)

· A HEALTH CARE PROXY (or DURABLE HEALTH CARE POWER OF ATTORNEY), a legal document in which you name someone (besides the doctor and/​or hospital) to be your advocate and make decisions about your health care should you become incapacitated. It is probably a good idea to have one of these even if you don't expect to die soon, because if you are involved in an accident and aren't in a position to make decisions, you want a person you choose to be able to make them for you. Don't choose someone kind and gentle; choose someone smart and able to speak strongly to authorities.

You can have both — a health care proxy naming a person to make the decisions and a living will to help guide that person in making the decisions. It is also important to discuss the feelings, beliefs, and reasoning behind your preferences while you are in a position to do so, as what you say may be more morally and emotionally persuasive than what you provide in writing.

The MOLST and POLST serve as medical orders from your doctor to let first responders who arrive at the scene of an emergency know what to do (or not do). MOLST stands for "medical orders for life-sustaining treatment"; its cousin, POLST, is a “physician’s orders for life sustaining treatment.” The MOLST or POLST may state the patient's preferences for, against, and about CPR, medical interventions, antibiotics, and artificially administered nutrition and hydration. You (the patient) and your physician fill out the MOLST and your physician signs it, too. A relatively new document, the POLST is a way to translate your wishes, a living will, or an oral advance directive into medical/​physician's orders that must be followed by emergency personnel and health care providers. The POLST may state a patient's preferences for, against, and about CPR, medical interventions, antibiotics, and artificially administered nutrition and hydration. It is an important way to instruct emergency personnel about what actions to take (or not to take) while you are still at home -- a way to prevent unwanted treatment. See POLST, about what's available in various states, and What is a POLST and Do I Need One? (Angela Morrow, RN, About.com 3-1-10).

The MOLST, or POLST, is more comprehensive than documents called DNR (do not resuscitate) or in some states DNAR (do not attempt resuscitation), or AND (allow natural death). · You may decide at some point to have a do not resuscitate (DNR) order — another type of advance directive — a request not to have cardiopulmonary resuscitation (CPR) if your heart stops or if you stop breathing. If not given such instructions, hospital staff will try to help any patient whose heart has stopped or who has stopped breathing. If you (or your health care proxy) tell your doctor you don't want to be resuscitated, your doctor will put a DNR order in your medical chart.

LEGAL AND FINANCIAL DOCUMENTS:

Your last will and testament, which is legally binding, details how you want to distribute your earthly goods — your valuables, what you want your survivors to have. You should also prepare:

A durable financial power of attorney, appointing someone to make financial decisions on your behalf until your death (should you become unable to do so).

You might want to explore the possibilities of a living trust, which gives a designated person (a trustee) authority to hold, manage, and distribute property for you while you are alive and to distribute it when you die. For this and the other legal and financial arrangements, you need sound advice from an expert.

PERSONAL WISHES AND LEGACY DOCUMENTS:

· A letter of intent (which is not legally binding) can spell out the things that would make you happy should you experience a disabling health event, so that you can't care for yourself and might not be able to express yourself. (Kristie Miller's letter of intent is a great example.)

· An ethical will (a legacy letter, a life letter — I haven't seen an ideal name for this kind of document) tells your survivors what you want them to know. This, too, is not legally binding. This document (or videotape or audiotape) conveys expressions of love, blessings, and regret; it conveys treasured personal and family stories and life lessons; it articulates what you value and want to be remembered for, what you want your children and grandchildren never to forget. You may convey what you want your survivors to know in print, on an audio or video recording, as a one-page letter, as collection of messages, a story, a memoir, genealogical records, a family history, a series of recorded interviews — the possibilities are endless. These needn't be fancy or ambitious, but they can be, and you can arrange for someone to help you through a writer's organization or the Association of Personal Historians, among other organizations. The Financial Planning Association reports from survey results that these "non-financial leave-behinds" are ten times more important to most people than their parents' financial legacy.

Also, find the time to document your medical history and the medical histories of all the family members that you can document. This information may be as important three generations down the line as it is now. At some point we'll find it easy to leave behind a sample of DNA, too.

And don't forget to gather and pass along favorite family recipes. Food is such an important part of our legacy of memories.

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End-of-life care and planning

• • • FIVE WISHES. Put this Aging with Dignity document and task at the top of your to-do list. Expressing your Five Wishes lets your family and doctors know:
* Who you want to make health care decisions for you when you can't make them.
* The kind of medical treatment you want or don't want.
* How comfortable you want to be.
* How you want people to treat you.
* What you want your loved ones to know.

• Planning a Good Death booklet (free download from the BBC)

The world's chief faiths (characterized by the BBC)

• Compassion & Choices supports, educates and advocates for choice and care at the end of life -- improving pain and palliative care, enforcing living wills and advance directives, and legalizing aid in dying. Works to change attitudes, practices and policies so that everyone can access the information and options they need to have more control and comfort at the end of life.

• End-of-life issues (articles for WNET Before I Die special)

• End-of-Life Care (Kojo Nnamdi radio program, WAMU, 8-26-09). With guests Malene Davis (President and CEO, Capital Hospice) and Perry Fine (professor of anesthesiology, University of Utah; attending physician, Pain Management Center; author, The Hospice Companion

• Everplans , a site that lists all the steps to take to deal with a death, preferably well in advance.

• Family Conversations About End-Of-Life Care (listen to Diane Rehm and guests on her radio show explore how to begin discussions about end-of life care--explaining some of the things that can go wrong if such discussions are not held."Armed with basic facts and good listening skills, it's possible to create a strategy that gives a loved one comfort and provides caregivers with peace of mind.")

• Get Your S--t Together (Chanel Reynolds’s website "named for the scolding, profane exhortation that her inner voice shouted during those dark days in an intensive care unit," where her husband ended up after being hit while riding his bicycle. Excellent templates for end-of-life planning: Checklist, will, living will, power of attorney, details. Her husband died in 2009. Here's her story and advice: A Shocking Death, a Financial Lesson and Help for Others (Ron Lieber, NY Times, 1-11-13).

• A Guide to Legal Issues in Life-Limiting Conditions (American Health Lawyers' Association)

• Help! Keith Olbermann on 'The Life Panel.' "Have that conversation." Keith Olbermann's statement about the conversation he had with his father, who was exhausted and terrified from multiple procedures and complications after having his colon removed. Conferring with the doctors and asking them to give him a rest from procedures was a "life panel," not a "death panel."

• Jane Brody's Guide to the Great Beyond: A Practical Primer to Help You and Your Loved Ones Prepare Medically, Legally, and Emotionally for the End of Life -- a practical book, with explanations and to-do lists for everything from advance directives and why a living will is not enough to funeral plans, living with a bad prognosis and dealing with uncertainty, caregiving, hospice, communicating with doctors, assisted dying, organ donation, autopsy, and legacies.

• Handbook for Mortals (full text online of consumer guide to end-of-life care by Joanne Lynn and Joan Harrold)

• LeaveLight: A Motivational Guide to Holistic End-of-Life Planning by Marilyn L. Geary and Jacqueline Janssen. Designed to motivate you to write down your end-of-life planning (right up to what you want done with your pets), in a binder in which you express gratitude and forgiveness and express your wishes on everything from distribution of property to ways in which you want to be remembered (what you want in your epitaph and obituary/​death notice), and so on -- all the information your survivors need to honor your life and wishes and know how you felt about them. Includes practical info about things such as green burials and recommends participating in a Leavelight Circle: six participants in six 2.5-hour sessions complete their end-of-life plans, getting fear of doing so behind them.

• Legal Guide for the Seriously Ill: Seven Key Steps to Get Your Affairs in Order, prepared by the American Bar Association Commission on Aging for the National Hospice and Palliative Care Organization. Step-by-step instructions on planning for health care expenses; managing health, money, property and personal decisions; planning for the care of dependents; knowing your rights as a patient; and getting your legal documents in order--with information on regulatory and legislative changes related to health care.

• On Our Own Terms resources (links from Bill Moyers' program)

• • • Not Quite Six Feet Under (Tess Vigeland, Marketplace Money, conversations on American Public Radio about end-of-life planning, on topics such as estate planning, medical power of attorney, durable power of attorney, living wills, living trust, and wills--audio files and transcripts)

• On Our Own Terms (listen online to various segments of Bill Moyers' PBS show on dying) and make use of On Our Own Terms resources (links to sites on care options, final days, therapy and support, and other resources). Download free the helpful discussion guide (PDF)

• State Your Intentions With a Letter of Instruction. For a great example, see Kristie Miller's Letter of Intent. Kristie does a great job telling her family what she would want should she decline.

• The 25 Documents You Need Before You Die (Saabira Chaudhuri, Wall Street Journal, 7-1-11). A plan for reducing frustration and financial pain for your heirs.

• Compassionate Allowances. The list of 25 rare diseases and 25 severe cancers for which Social Security will fast-track the processing of claims for applicants whose medical conditions are so severe that their conditions obviously meet Social Security’s standards. Disabled World's explanations seem helpful.

• Compassion and Choices (supports, educates and advocates for choice and care at the end of life -- improving pain and palliative care, enforcing living wills and advance directives, and legalizing aid in dying)

• The difference between a living trust and a living will (Lauren Rickert, Helium)[Back to Top]

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End-of-life care and planning for pets

• Old Dog Needs $6,000 Surgery. What Do You Do? (Roz Warren, My Story, Booming, NY Times, 3-26-13).
• How to Set a Price on the Life of a Beloved Pet? (Tess Vigeland, Your Money blog, NY Times, 3-25-13). Costs and choices mount for pets' end-of-life care. Includes Q&A About Pet Health Care
• Making End-of-Life Choices for Our Pets (Richard Palmquist, Huffington Post, 12-5-11)
• Making End-of-Life Decisions for Pets (Tara Parker-Pope, Well, NY Times, 7-26-10)
• End-of-Life Care FAQ: A guide to caring for your pet during his final days (ASPCA)
• Euthanasia... What To Expect (Pet MD)
• Living with the loss of your cat (Rita Bruche, Cats of Australia)
• Euthanasia: What To Expect when the time comes (T.J. Dunn, Jr., Cats of Australia)
Let me know of other online material that is helpful.
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Advance directives, living wills, health care proxies

State Your Intentions With a Letter of Instruction. For a great example, see Kristie Miller's Letter of Intent. Kristie does a great job telling her family what she would want should she decline.
• Advance directives by state (Caring Connections). Download the free advance directives and instructions for your state--these can be opened as a PDF (portable document format) file
• Advance Directive wallet cards (NOT the same as a do-not-resuscitate or DNR order), two versions:
~Wallet card for advance health care directive and living will
~Wallet card for advance directive, with name of health care agent
• Advance directives by state (NOAH, New York Online Access to Health)
• Advance Directive Registry (U.S. Living Will Registry)
• Advance Directive for the Visually Impaired (example from Maryland Attorney General)
• DoYourProxy.org. Speaking for you when you cannot speak for yourself: create your advance directives online, for free. See their Glossary and answers to frequently asked questions
• State Organ and Tissue Donor Registries (Organdonor.gov, U.S. Dept of Health & Human Services)
• On giving, or receiving, organs (Organdonor.gov resources on giving an organ, getting an organ, transplantation, etc.) Many resources on this website.

• The difference between a living trust and a living will (Lauren Rickert, Helium)

Wills, trusts, legacies, and estates
• Wills, Trusts, & Estates, an extremely useful page for the public by National Paralegal College (NPC), with definitions and explanations for various aspects of estate planning (including succession and disinheritance); federal wealth transfer taxes; execution, validity, & components of wills; construction of wills; estate administration; the creation, modification, & termination of trusts; charitable trusts; and trust administration. (Thanks, Lauren Caldwell, for this link.)
• Will You Leave a Fair Will for Your Children? (Jane Bryant Quinn, AARP Bulletin, 5-3-12). How to preserve family harmony if one child gets more
• 10 Things You Should Know About Writing a Will (Brett Widness, AARP, May 2012)
• The Cornerstones of an Estate Plan: The 4 documents every adult should have (Jonathon D. Pond, AARP, March 2009) Every adult should have a will, a durable power of attorney, an advance directive, and a letter of instructions.
• Q&A about Power of Attorney (AARP November 2008)
• Durable Powers of Attorney and Revocable Living Trusts (Family Caregiver Alliance)
• State Your Intentions With a Letter of Instruction
• A to-do list for estate planning (AARP)
(And don't forget what to do about your digital estate (your email, Twitter, Facebook, Google, etc. accounts).
• Digital Death Day. A conference was held to discuss such issues as password and identity management (services), the economics of domain names and online memorials, best practices for social sites (what to do when a person's social media identity remains online after they have died, etc.), how to prevent theft and use of passwords, etc.).
• Disability Planning (ElderLawAnswers)
• End-of-Life Decision-Making (Family Caregiver Alliance)

• Thinking about a living trust (Chris Farrell, Marketplace, APM, 4-5-12)
• Creating a living trust John Ventura explains things to Tess Vigeland, Marketplace Money, 6-21/​22-2008
• Living Trust Offers: How to Make Sure They're Trust-worthy (Federal Trade Commission)

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Getting Your Affairs (and Key Information) in Order
• Getting Your Affairs in Order (National Institute on Aging, one of many helpful resources)
• Preparing an Emergency Kit in Plain English (Common Craft video, part of an excellent series)
• Where to find my important papers (a fill-in-the-blanks form from Family Caregiver Alliance)
• Household and personal property inventory book (Holly Hunts and Brenda Cude, Extension services, University of Illinois at Urbana/​Champaign), for the detailed inventory that will be invaluable should disaster strike
• How long (and where) to keep important papers (Good Housekeeping chart). Some go in an emergency kit in a small fireproof safe (birth and death certificates; Social Security cards; passports; emergency contact info (insurance agents, doctors, next of kin); marriage certificates, divorce decrees; wills; copies of driver's license, green card, and other ID; copies of lifesaving prescriptions (such as insulin, asthma inhalers); account names and numbers for banking, investment, and credit card accounts; inventory of household valuables. Back up all the info on a disk, or with photocopies, and give a copy to a trusted friend or your lawyer. Check out Easy Access to Important Documents Key to Recovering from a Disaster (ButtonedUp.com)
• Last Will and Testament (Yours and the One the State Has for You) (Ronald Zack, Elder Care Matters). The example is set in Arizona, but the principles are general: why you MUST create a will and what happens if you don't.
• Legal Guide for the Seriously Ill: Seven Key Steps to Get Your Affairs in Order, prepared by the American Bar Association Commission on Aging for the National Hospice and Palliative Care Organization. Step-by-step instructions on planning for health care expenses; managing health, money, property and personal decisions; planning for the care of dependents; knowing your rights as a patient; and getting your legal documents in order--with information on regulatory and legislative changes related to health care.
• Medical history: Compiling your medical family tree (Mayo Clinic on what to include in such a history)

Personal Information
• Names, phone numbers, and email addresses of doctors
• List of medications taken regularly (and doses)
• Location of living will
• Names, phone numbers, and email addresses of religious contacts
• Names, phone numbers, and email addresses of close friends and relatives
• Information for obituary, such as memberships in groups and awards received.

Financial and Legal Information
• Names, phone numbers, and email addresses of lawyers and financial advisors
• Names, addresses (especially of your legal residence), phone numbers, email addresses, date and place of birth, and Social Security numbers of everyone named in your will and other documents, and everyone important in your life, for your executors and guardians of minor children.
• Location of all vital and legal documents (including birth and death certificates, adoption records, prenuptial agreements, marriage certificates, divorce decrees, military records, immigration and citizenship documents, property deeds, recent tax returns, wills).
• Details about principal income and about your retirement savings accounts and other assets, including names, addresses, phone numbers, and social security numbers of principal beneficiaries.
• List of employers and dates of employment.
• Education and military records.
• Details about your debts (especially to whom and how much). Include mortgages, loans, other debts.
• List of property you own, with values (include real estate, vehicles, jewelry, furniture, other assets)
• List of jointly owned property, and names of co-owners.
• Location of all vital and legal documents (including birth and death certificates, adoption records, prenuptial agreements, marriage certificates, divorce decrees, military records, immigration and citizenship documents, property deeds, recent tax returns, wills).
• Location of all vital and legal documents (including birth and death certificates, adoption records, prenuptial agreements, marriage certificates, divorce decrees, military records, immigration and citizenship documents, property deeds, recent tax returns, wills)
. A list of all financial assets and accounts, with bank account numbers and branch locations.
• Location of all vital and legal documents (including birth and death certificates, adoption records, prenuptial agreements, marriage certificates, divorce decrees, military records, immigration and citizenship documents, property deeds, recent tax returns, wills).
• A master list of all your accounts (savings, checking, credit card, stocks, bonds, other investments, insurance, frequent flier accounts, etc). List each institution, type of account (checking? savings? money market?), owner or policyholder (you? you and spouse?), account number, contact information for institution.
• A list of computer access codes and key passwords, or instructions on how to find them.
• Details on all forms of insurance (life, health, dwelling, car, etc.).
• A list of safe-deposit boxes, with an inventory of the contents. List all irreplaceable valuables (jewelry, heirlooms, photo negatives) and critical documents (marriage license, birth certificate, stocks and bonds) that are stored under lock and key and photocopy the documents for your home office files.
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Preventing elder abuse and scams

Hacked and Hijacked: What to Do if Your E-mail Account Gets Compromised (Jon Chase, Switched, 2-24-11). Preventive advice includes this: "Set up at least two new e-mail addresses. Use your original e-mail address for personal or business communication as you'd normally do. The secondary e-mail address is insurance against future hacks; use it to communicate with your service provider, since many now ask for an alternative address as added protection. Then, use a third e-mail address only for registering for sites, newsletters, online shopping and other services. It may seem paranoid and excessive (hey, that's us!), but the idea is to compartmentalize your online life a bit. That way, each "world" has its own discrete e-mail account, and will minimize the damage that can be done by any future hacks."

StopFraud.gov (The Financial Fraud Enforcement Task Force's advice on how to protect yourself from health/​medicare fraud, identity theft, phone and Internet fraud, mortgage and lending fraud, securities and investment fraud, tax fraud, and other dangers)

To discourage sales calls, fraudulent and otherwise:
• National Do Not Call Registry
• Opt Out of Unsolicited Mail, Telemarketing, and Email (Federal Trade Commission

Monitor credit reports often to watch for fraud. If you don't want to receive pre-screened offers of credit and insurance, you can opt out of receiving them for five years or opt out of receiving them permanently here, online (https:./​/​www.optoutprescreen.com/​, or, if you don't have access to the Internet, you may send a written request to permanently opt out to each of the major consumer reporting companies. Make sure your request includes your home telephone number, name, Social Security number, and date of birth.

Experian
Opt Out
P.O. Box 919
Allen, TX 75013

TransUnion
Name Removal Option
P.O. Box 505
Woodlyn, PA 19094

Equifax, Inc.
Options
P.O. Box 740123
Atlanta, GA 30374

Innovis Consumer Assistance
P.O. Box 495
Pittsburgh, PA 15230

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Assisted Living and End-of-Life Medical Care and Planning
Medical, legal, and financial health-related issues

Across Generations: A 5-Step Guide for Creating an Expression of Donor Intent by Susan Turnbull. See also section on ethical wills and legacy letters.

Aging in Place: Rethinking Solutions to the Home Care Challenge (MetLife report by Louis Tanenbaum, Sept. 2010). You can download the report (PDF) and the workbook, free.

All the Right Questions. What to know and what to ask when choosing an assisted-living facility. Julyssa Lopez (Washingtonian, 11-09) explains key questions to get info on: What care is provided? Is the facility well run? Can it handle emergencies? What if my health gets worse? What do I look for in a contract? Can I change the contract? Are there hidden fees? Can I get a refund? Can they kick me out?

Before Passing Along Valuables, Passing Along Values (Robert Powell, Wall Street Journal, 12-7-12). Why ethical wills and life lessons are an increasingly important part of estate planning.

The Beneficial Effects of Life Story and Legacy Activities by Pat McNees (first published in the Journal of Geriatric Care Management)

Blogging Wills: What happens to your blogs when you die? Darren Rowse, ProBlogger, 12-21-06, on what your survivors will need to know, including contact details for partners, subcontractors, vendors, and bloggers who work for you; passwords and contact details for advertising programs, affiliate programs, etc.; passwords for Paypal, Amazon, etc. accounts; contact details for web hosts; instructions on what to do. Read this and a later piece on the same thing: Do you have a blogging will? (adding info on forums/​communities, ebooks and courses, other partnerships, books, job boards, etc.).

Breaking the Silence (John Leland, NY Times, 3-18-08, on talking openly in the family about sharing the family's wealth in a way that helps, not hurts, the next generation)

Breaking the Silence: Helping Clients Discuss Estate Plans with Their Families (excerpt from white paper sponsored by GenSpring Family Offices). Written for wealth management professionals, but helpful to those wondering whether and how to pass their wealth on to the next generation.

Charity Navigator.Tip sheets on savvy donating to charity include Top 10 Best Practices of Savvy Donors and 7 Questions To Ask Charities Before Donating. Check out how they rate particular charities on their ratings, alphabetical list of charities. See also Give Well (charity research), Charity Watch (formerly American Institute of Philanthropy), and America's Worst Charities (50 worst U.S. charities, which devote less than 4 percent of donations raised to direct cash aid, as reported after a yearlong investigation by the Tampa Bay Times and The Center for Investigative Reporting).

Compassionate Allowances. The list of 25 rare diseases and 25 severe cancers for which Social Security will fast-track the processing of claims for applicants whose medical conditions are so severe that their conditions obviously meet Social Security’s standards. Disabled World's explanations seem helpful.

Compassion and Choices (supports, educates and advocates for choice and care at the end of life -- improving pain and palliative care, enforcing living wills and advance directives, and legalizing aid in dying)

Cost of Dying: Discovering a better way for final days (Lisa Krieger, Mercury-News, 12-29-12), part of an occasional series on end-of-life care


Cyberspace When You're Dead by Rob Walker (NYTimes Magazine, 1-5-11). The Internet promises a kind of immortality. What if your last tweet is the one that defines you for all time?

Death and social media: What happens to your life online? (Jacqui Cheng, Ars Technica)

Death Cafes Breathe Life Into Conversations About Dying (listen to the story on NPR, All Things Considered, 3-8-13)

Disability Planning (ElderLawAnswers -- including who is eligible for Supplemental Security Income, or SSI)

Elder Care, a few books about
• The Elder Law Handbook: A Legal and Financial Survival Guide for Caregivers and Seniors
• Elder Care: What to Look For, What to Look Out For!, by Thomas M. Cassidy (which includes, among other things, useful checklists)
• Eldercare 911: The Caregiver's Complete Handbook for Making Decisions by Susan Beerman, Judith Rappaport-Musson
• Eldercare for Dummies by Dr. Rachelle Zukerman
• The Eldercare Handbook: Difficult Choices, Compassionate Solutions by Stella Henry and Ann Convery

Engage with Grace and the One Slide Project. To help ensure that all of us--and the people we care for--can end our lives in the same purposeful way we lived them. • Watch the Engage with Grace Story (Video, Za's Story) • Download the One Slide (PDF)

Estimate your retirement benefits (Social Security Online), Retirement Planner FAQ (frequently asked retirement questions), Benefit Calculators and other resources from the Social Security Administration.

Farrah Fawcett's Long Goodbye (Jim Rutenberg, NY Times, 5-27-11). Dying of cancer, she authorized a documentary of her final days. "Ms. Fawcett had intended the film to address shortcomings she saw in American cancer treatment and to present it in art-house style....After [Ryan] O’Neal and NBC gained full control of the documentary, the film took on the feel of network celebrity fodder — at once more glossy and more morbid....Many scenes addressing the American medical system were scrapped or truncated." Her final story became the object of a lengthy battle. A lesson in how not to do something--but I'm not sure what the lesson is.

A Financial Self-Defense Guide for Older Americans (Ann Carrns, Your Money, NY Times, 3-28-13)

Fighting Over the Living Will of J. Bruce Llewellyn. Benjamin Weiser, NY Times (5-17-10), writes: "Tools like living wills that are supposed to provide clarity often do not. Wishes evolve, documents age, and even one’s state of mind can be a source of bitter dispute." That's what happened in the life of a wealthy black millionaire whose wife insisted on honoring his living will after he changed his mind about it and got loyal friends to fight for his new wishes.

***FIVE WISHES. Put this Aging with Dignity document and task at the top of your to-do list. Expressing your Five Wishes lets your family and doctors know:
* Who you want to make health care decisions for you when you can't make them.
* The kind of medical treatment you want or don't want.
* How comfortable you want to be.
* How you want people to treat you.
* What you want your loved ones to know.
Kristie Miller's Letter of Intent does a great job telling her family what she would want should she decline.

Good News for Beneficiaries and Bad News for Fiduciaries in Regard to Transferee Liability for Estate Tax (Rubin on Tax, 6-2-12)

Help! Keith Olbermann on 'The Life Panel.' "Have that conversation." Keith Olbermann's statement about the conversation he had with his father, who was exhausted and terrified from multiple procedures and complications after having his colon removed. Conferring with the doctors and asking them to give him a rest from procedures was a "life panel," not a "death panel."

The Hidden Dangers in Living Wills, excerpt on PBS NOW site from Understanding Your Living Will: What You Need to Know Before a Medical Emergency by Ferdinando L. Mirarchi. Mirarchi explains that living wills may be misinterpreted as "Do Not Resuscitate" (DNR) orders or "Do Not Treat" orders. They also lack code status designations that medical personnel would readily understand. "Full Code Except Cardiac Arrest" will serve you better than "Do Not Resuscitate (DNR)," which should not be in your living will. You should also avoid putting "No Code" or "Do Not Intubate," "Chemical Code," or "Slow Code," in your living will. Read here online for why. Be very specific about what YOU want, or don't want, in your living will, but write one!

• Hospital Discharge Planning: A Guide for Families and Caregivers (one of many useful fact sheets from Family Caregiver Alliance

How long (and where) to keep important papers (Good Housekeeping chart). Some go in an emergency kit in a small fireproof safe (birth and death certificates; Social Security cards; passports; emergency contact info (insurance agents, doctors, next of kin); marriage certificates, divorce decrees; wills; copies of driver's license, green card, and other ID; copies of lifesaving prescriptions (such as insulin, asthma inhalers); account names and numbers for banking, investment, and credit card accounts; inventory of household valuables. Back up all the info on a disk, or with photocopies, and give a copy to a trusted friend or your lawyer. Check out Easy Access to Important Documents Key to Recovering from a Disaster (ButtonedUp.com)

How Mom’s Death Changed My Thinking About End-of-Life Care by Charles Ornstein (The Health Care Blog, 2-28-13, but post appeared first in Pro Publica--printed in Washington Post as "Deciding when to let Mom die")

How to claim death benefits (Funeralwise)

In death, a promise for the future. As her world diminished, Elizabeth Uyehara signed her body over to researchers to help unravel the mystery of Lou Gehrig's disease. (Thomas Curwen, Los Angeles Times, 8-28-10, on the course of Uyehara's ALS and on what happens when organs are donated for science)

Jane Brody's Guide to the Great Beyond: A Practical Primer to Help You and Your Loved Ones Prepare Medically, Legally, and Emotionally for the End of Life -- a practical book, with explanations and to-do lists for everything from advance directives and why a living will is not enough to funeral plans, living with a bad prognosis and dealing with uncertainty, caregiving, hospice, communicating with doctors, assisted dying, organ donation, autopsy, and legacies.

Keeping Our Seniors Safe From Scams (Heather R. Chubb, ElderCareMatters.com). Popular scams for elders include surveys (they do NOT have to fill them out) and letters or emails about sweepstakes and lottery winners. Sites recommended to check a charity's status include
• Charity Navigator
• Charity Watch ,
• Better Business Bureau Wise Giving Alliance

LeaveLight: A Motivational Guide to Holistic End-of-Life Planning by Marilyn L. Geary and Jacqueline Janssen. Designed to motivate you to write down your end-of-life planning (right up to what you want done with your pets), in a binder in which you express gratitude and forgiveness and express your wishes on everything from distribution of property to ways in which you want to be remembered (what you want in your epitaph and obituary/​death notice), and so on -- all the information your survivors need to honor your life and wishes and know how you felt about them. Includes practical info about things such as green burials and recommends participating in a Leavelight Circle: six participants in six 2.5-hour sessions complete their end-of-life plans, getting fear of doing so behind them.

Legal and Financial Planning for People with Alzheimer's Disease Fact Sheet (National Institute on Aging, NIH). See also Alzheimer's and End-of-Life Decision-Making (Robb Miller, Aging Today, May-June 2013), an excellent explanation of many end-of-life planning terms and of the kinds of wishes people who expect to have Alzheimer's or are in its early stages should express in writing--sharing those wishes as widely as possible among friends and family).

Legal Guide for the Seriously Ill: Seven Key Steps to Get Your Affairs in Order, prepared by the American Bar Association Commission on Aging for the National Hospice and Palliative Care Organization. Step-by-step instructions on planning for health care expenses; managing health, money, property and personal decisions; planning for the care of dependents; knowing your rights as a patient; and getting your legal documents in order--with information on regulatory and legislative changes related to health care.

Lessons of a $618,616 Death (Amanda Bennett, Bloomberg Businessweek, 3-15-10). Two years after her husband's death from a rare and deadly kidney cancer, Amanda Bennett's cover story examines the costs of keeping one man alive.

• Thinking about a living trust (Chris Farrell, Marketplace, APM, 4-5-12)
• Creating a living trust John Ventura explains things to Tess Vigeland, Marketplace Money, 6-21/​22-2008
• Living Trust Offers: How to Make Sure They're Trust-worthy (Federal Trade Commission)

***FIVE WISHES. Put this Aging with Dignity document and task at the top of your to-do list. Expressing your Five Wishes lets your family and doctors know:
* Who you want to make health care decisions for you when you can't make them.
* The kind of medical treatment you want or don't want.
* How comfortable you want to be.
* How you want people to treat you.
* What you want your loved ones to know.
Kristie Miller's Letter of Intent does a great job telling her family what she would want should she decline.
• Living Wills and Advance Directives: What You Need to Know (PBS NOW)
• Living Will Resources (secular and for various faiths, Beliefnet)
• Medical power of attorney & living wills (John Ventura and Tess Vigeland, Marketplace Money, 7-12/​13-2008)
• Aging Care Directives (telling our loved ones what kind of care we'd like if lifestyle adjustments become necessary, website of Andrea Gross and Irv Green)

Long-term care insurance

• Fine Print and Red Tape in Long-Term Care Policies (Tara Siegel Bernard, NY Times, Your Money, 6-7-13) Long-term care insurance policies aren't like common insurance policies, and that can lead to unexpected requirements, mountains of paperwork, and denied claims. If you need to file a claim on behalf of a loved one, it helps to know why claims are denied and where filers tend to get tripped up (surveyed in this article). Practices vary from company to company and state to state and whether you can trust the company depends on regulation in that state — and most states have limited regulation.
• United Policyholders , a nonprofit organization, with no financial ties to the insurance industry, which educates the public on insurance issues and consumer rights
• A Winding Road to Benefits From Long-Term Care Insurance (David Segal, The Haggler, Your Money, NY Times, 3-23-13)
• Expense and Emotions in Preparing for Long-Term Care (Ann Carrins, Your Money, Your Money NY Times, 3-25-13)
• National Clearinghouse for Long-Term Care Information
• State Partnership Programs
• What does long-term care cost in your state
• Long-term care rate hike stuns retirees (Victoria Colliver, SFGate, 2-25-13)
• Not Interested in Long-Term Care Insurance? How About Short-Term Care Insurance? (Howard Gleckman, Caring for our Parents blog). "One financial planner who specializes in middle-market clients . . . says these policies are 'like buying a stuffed bear.' They may make you feel better, but they won’t provide any real financial security."
• ElderLaw Answers (What to Look for In a Long-Term Care Insurance Policy, When Should You Purchase Long-Term Care Insurance?, How Much Insurance Should You Purchase?, Which Spouse Should Get Coverage?,Long-Term Care Insurance and Medicaid Planning,
Partnership Policies, The Tax Deductibility of Long-Term Care Insurance Premiums, The Taxation of Benefits, Consult With a Qualified Agent, Books on Long-Term Care Insurance)
• Diane Rehm program on long-term care insurance . Listen and/​or read the transcript. Speakers were former Social Security Administrator Ken Apfel, Families USA executive director Ron Pollack, and Kiplinger’s Personal Finance columnist Kim Lankford, and Howard Gleckman, author of Caring for Our Parents;
• National Clearinghouse for Long-Term Care Information U.S. Dept of Health & Human Services
• The Coming Caregiver Crunch and Why This Gerontologist Owns Long Term Care Insurance by Ken Dychtwald, Huffington Post, 11-16-09
• Parsing the New Law on Long-Term Care (Paula Span,New York Times, Prescriptions blog, 5-3-10)
• Paying for long-term care (sidebar to WNET special, Before I Die)
• Long-Term Care Insurance: The Essentials (free PDF from MetLife, an insurer)
• J.K. Lasser's Choosing the Right Long-Term Care Insurance by Benjamin Lipson
• Long-Term Care: Your Financial Planning Guide by Phyllis Shelton
• Veterans Benefits for Long Term Care (Debra A. Robinson, ElderCare Matters)
• Long-Term Care Insurance and Our Collective Denial (Ron Lieber, Your Money, NY Times, 10-17-11)[Back to Top]

Medicare

• AARP on Medicare and Medicaid
• Ask Ms. Medicare archives (AARP's Patricia Barry responds to questions )
• Frequently asked questions (Centers for Medicare & Medicaid Services)
• Medicare & Medication information (also CMS)
• Medicare Rights
• How Medicare Fails the Elderly (Jane Gross, Sunday Review, NY Times, 10-15-11) Fee-for-service doctors and Big Pharma benefit from Medicare, but it does not cover some of the things elders need, including certain diagnostic tests and long-term care by home aides at home.
• When Medicare Falls Short (Jane Gross, NY Times, 10-16-08) Click here for more NY Times stories tagged "Medicare."
• ElderLaw answers about Medicare and Medicaid
• StopFraud.gov (The Financial Fraud Enforcement Task Force's advice on how to protect yourself from health/​medicare fraud, identity theft, and other risks)[Back to Top]

92 and Still Driving? Seniors At The Wheel (Debbie Brodsky).

***Not Quite Six Feet Under (Tess Vigeland, Marketplace Money, conversations on American Public Radio about end-of-life planning, on topics such as estate planning, medical power of attorney, durable power of attorney, living wills, living trust, and wills--audio files and transcripts)

On Our Own Terms (listen online to various segments of Bill Moyers' PBS show on dying) and make use of On Our Own Terms resources (links to sites on care options, final days, therapy and support, and other resources). Download free the helpful discussion guide (PDF)

Organizing and dealing with things and information
• The Burdens of Stuff (Sophia Dembling on why not to leave your children thousands of dusty, crumbling books)
• The Boomer Burden: Dealing with Your Parents' Lifetime Accumulation of Stuff by Julie Hall
• Don't Toss My Memories in the Trash-A Step-by-Step Guide to Helping Seniors Downsize, Organize, and Move by Vickie Dellaquila
• Get It Together: Organize Your Records So Your Family Won't Have To by Melanie Cullen and Shae Irving
• If Something Happens to Me by Joseph R. Hearn and Niel Nielsen (a workbook to organize legal, financial, and insurance information)
• The Senior Organizer: Personal, Medical, Legal, Financial by Debby S. Bitticks, Lynn Benson, and Dorothy Breininger
• The Things They Left Behind by Peggy Burds, owner of Emerald Estate Sales, First Personal Singular Column in Washington Post Magazine (10-17-10). She concludes: "If I keep something, it has to be extremely sentimental. Everything I own has a story: It may not have started out as my story, but when I chose to bring it into my life, it became part of it. We all write our own history, and our stuff is often the only thing left to tell that story. I don't want my story to be a bunch of junk that doesn't mean anything."

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Planning Ahead (Caring Connections' useful info on advance care planning, advance directives, healthcare agents, end-of-life financial planning)

Planning for Your Adult Children With Special Needs Can Also Protect Your Assets From Nursing Home Costs (Dagmar M. Pollex, ElderCareMatters.com)

Prescriptions: Making Sense of the Health Care Law NY Times blog

Prepared Patient Forum (Center for Advancing Health site on how to find and use safe, decent health care)

Prescriptions (New York Times blog about the health care industry and health policy)

Procrastination: The Deadline Disorder. Erica Davis Bak (WashPost 3-31-09) compares "avoidance procrastinators" and "arousal procrastinators" (who work best with a deadline) and says the easiest way to make a task more appealing is to make it concrete (list X, Y, and Z), not abstract (write will). She's talking about postponing tax preparation, but the principle's the same.

Project Grace. 10 Legal Myths About Advance Medical Directives

Put It In Writing (American Hospital Association on advance health care directives) -- click on links for wallet card or glossary of terms

SeniorLaw (where senior citizens, their families, attorneys, social workers, and financial planners, can access information about elder law, Medicare, Medicaid, Medicaid planning, guardianship, estate planning, trusts and the rights of the elderly and disabled. (Centered on New York law.)

She hit the limit: Woman 'maxed out' on health care benefits (Debra Pressey, The News-Gazette, 12-18-09)

SURVIVAL KIT: Stock up on essentials for a disaster (Mayo Clinic staff)

Taking Care of Parents Also Means Taking Care of Finances (Walecia Konrad, NYTimes, 9-18-09)

Talking to Doctors About a Terminal Diagnosis (Judith Johnson, Huffington Post). And read the comments.

They said my mother’s ‘time had come,’ but what if they were wrong? (John Graykowski , Arlington, Washington Post 10/​27/​2011). "...remember that an advance medical directive is a general statement that cannot anticipate the circumstances you will face. When does a procedure that may provide short-term relief and support for healing become an artificial sustaining of life and prolongation of death? How can you attain a level of certainty that your loved one is truly unable to live absent permanent measures? I found myself lost in the awful gray areas unanswered by my mother’s directive. It would have helped to have some guidance on specific possible interim and time-limited measures, such as temporary intubation and nutrition. 'What would your mother want?' "

Veterans Benefits for Long Term Care (Debra A. Robinson, ElderCare Matters)

Veterans death and survivor benefits. The following sources vary in clarity, level of detail, user-friendliness, so check them all and let me know if you find something better:
• Veterans resources (Funeral home Money & King's useful page: Who is eligible? How do you apply? Reimbursement of burial expenses. Burial Flags. Burial in national VA cemeteries. Headstones and markers. Presidential memorial certificates.)
• Survivors and Dependents Benefits (Death After Active Service) (U.S. Dept of Veterans Affairs) and a page to lead you to info particularly for benefits for a veteran, parent, spouse, or child
• Military Connections on Veteran Burial Benefits. Click on links for Military Funerals, Veteran Headstones or Marker, Presidential Memorial Certificate, and so on.
• Survivors' veteran burial benefits (click on button for whether service member died in service or after)
• Death Pension Benefits (for Widows,Widowers, and Dependent Children
• How to Claim Veterans Death Benefits

When Possessions Lead to Paralysis (Paula Span, The New Old Age, NY Times 9-16-10, on how family members can help family seniors deal with, and get rid of, the lifetime overaccumulation of "stuff")

Articles and books about inheritance

ARTICLES:
• Do You Pay Income Tax on an Inheritance? (Roger Groh, eHow video)
• Inheriting an IRA (how to maximize its value and when to do what, Henry C. Weatherby, ElderCareMatters, June 2013)
• The 700-Doll Question (Jo Maeder, NY Times, 5-8-13). What to do when your inheritance is more of a burden than a blessing?
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BOOKS:
• Inheritance Hijackers: Who Wants to Steal Your Inheritance and How to Protect It by Robert Adamski

• Overcoming the Inheritance Taboo: How to Preserve Relationships and Transfer Possessions by Steven Hendlin (learning to deal with sibling rivalry, division of property, and the emotional turmoil surrounding a family member's death, and to avoid resentment and bitterness among survivors)

• Power Tools for Family Business: Diagnosis for Survival, Success, and Succession by Russell S. Allred and Roger C. Allred

• Sudden Money: Managing a Financial Windfall by Susan Bradley, CFP, and Mary Martin, PhD (a step-by-step program for moving safely through the three phases of building a solid financial foundation, with money acquired through inheritances, divorce, insurance settlements, retirement payouts, and stock options)


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